Time Magazine
A controversial Time Magazine cover shot went viral last week. It was a photograph of a woman standing up breastfeeding her three year old son (who was standing on a small chair in order to reach his mother’s breast). The article linked to the photo discussed “why attachment parenting drives some mothers to extremes and how Dr. Bill Sears became their guru”. I haven’t read the article and have no plans to read it. If for some reason you missed the photo please Google it. I don’t want to share it in this space. Read on to see why.
The cover shot drew the attention of those in favor of breastfeeding, those opposed and those who could care less. It also drew attention from the those offended by title of the piece: “Are You Mom Enough?”. Moms Clean Air Force blogger, Molly Rauch did a fantastic job tying the cover of Time into a piece about how much we care about the health of our children. Countless articles have popped up everywhere discussing the merits of such a bold and provocative photo.
Bravo Time Magazine (sarcasm intended). You have shocked the world with your photograph. As stated in the LA Times: “This is a cover that has the entire nation talking,”.
What about the little boy with those gorgeous eyes?
Last week I attended my first Boston Parent Bloggers event co-sponsored by Boston Parent Bloggers and Raising a Reader Massachusetts. The event was held at one of my all-time favorite children’s book shops, Barefoot Books. It was wonderful meeting so many local bloggers at the event. The speaker for the evening was “Boston’s Original Mommy Blogger”, Barbara Meltz. As expected, she was wonderful.
Barbara has been writing a parenting column for the Boston Globe for 19 years. She came to us that night with one important message: protect your children’s privacy.
I found myself nodding my head in agreement as Barbara was talking about privacy issues and how we can protect our children’s privacy online. Then I asked her thoughts about the Time Magazine cover shot. The conversation quickly turned to the photo of the 3 year old child.
Regardless of the issues raised by this controversial photo and where your loyalties lie, that little boy is in the limelight. Like it or not, his 15 plus minutes of fame are here and he had no say in the matter. He’s three years old. Even if he said yes to the photo it doesn’t matter. He’s too young make an educated decision about an occurrence that could impact his life. Will he be embarrassed someday? Will kids tease him? Did his mother think about these things before agreeing to the shoot? I hope so because she’s going to have to live with this.
My boys
Maybe the photo hit home so hard because my kids aren’t much older than that little boy. I’m a blogger and part of blogging is sharing. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that privacy was an issue with my kids. I was quoted in a Huffington Post piece about my son and his asthma (I’m not violating any privacy issues since the cat’s already out of the bag!). On the day the Huffington Post article went live my son came home from school and I was very excited to share the article with him. I didn’t receive the response I thought I would. He was beyond upset-and rightly so. I had made an assumption that he would want to be profiled in an article, but I had never asked him if that was OK. We ended up having a very long conversation about what was OK and what wasn’t. The final outcome was that my kids asked me to ALWAYS check in with them before sharing personal information. I have honored their request and now I’m very careful about what I share and what I post. I would never post a photo without their permission-on Facebook, my blog or anywhere else. I would never want my work or my carelessness to come between my relationships with my children.
Question what you’re sharing
There are plenty who don’t adhere to this system of protecting our children’s privacy. Many are open-books online and I’m fine with that. I only throw this information out there so maybe the next time you share a photo of your child or something very personal you’ll think about the long-term effect. If your child is too young to have a say in the matter-just give some thought as to how whatever you are sharing will affect your child down the road.
Do you share photos of your children online? Do you have a privacy policy in your family?
Read Barbara Meltz’s response to the Time Magazine photo HERE.
Read Boston Parent Blogger co-founder Christy’s response HERE.
[Photo used under Creative Commons from Mark Audette/Flickr]
I haven’t yet read this article (I’d like to), but have seen the cover image online…. Thank you so much for raising these issues. I have a parenting blog (Old Mom, Young Child) in which I discuss my child, my relationship with him, my feelings about motherhood, and many other things. I use a pseudonym for my child and never post photos of him unless his face is obscured or hidden. But I do post photos of him on Facebook and it has never occurred to me to ask first. You raise important issues about our regard for our children, our respect for them, and the assumptions we make about what it is okay to do as their parents. You’ve give me a lot to think about, as a blogger and as a parent. Thank you so much.
I think we have to be very careful and regard our kids wishes. I have always asked my kids when posting blogs about mothering them and posting their pictures. I am very careful to REALLY get their input and Ill remove anything they do not care for! There has to be balance. When I saw that photo on Time..I asked my sons how they would feel about it…if I had photos of them nursing and they became public… All of my sons felt it would be awkward and embarrassing… there is a line and we have to be careful as parents…particularly those of us who blog about family life.
Wow, what a refreshingly different take on this whole issue – I admit I never ever looked at it this way! A great reminder for all mommy bloggers to just keep our children in mind when sharing photos and information. Thanks 🙂
That is why you will not find a picture of little E on my blog or anywhere related to my blog unless it is the back of her head. I figure she is 19 months and has no say in her whole life being broadcasted on the internet. JP and I have decided to only show pictures of the back of her head and no face, and I don’t really talk about our personal life so much. The only place you see a picture of her face is on my FB personal page! SOme people have no problems with talking about their life and showing lots of pictures. That is great for them if that is what they choose. I just choose to limit her exposure at such a young age. She has lots of time ahead of her to have her face all over the internet like when she becomes famous!!! LOL Great post, L!!! 🙂
oh, and I didn’t read the article either! 😉
Many years ago, I was stalked. Consequently, I’m extremely private about the information I share online. I’m always a little surprised at the personal information which people will share with total strangers. It’s one thing to make our blogs personable enough so that our readers can relate to us … but it’s another thing to compromise the privacy (and safety) of those we love. I feel so sorry for that little boy in the photo … he is now associated with a perverted representation of what should be a very natural activity between mother and child. I don’t think his mother had that right!
The more I know, the more sensitive I am to talking about my friends and family, especially now when everything is being weighed and aggregated for someone to buy for the right price.
You’re so welcome Aviva. I struggle with these same issues constantly. How much information is too much? I want to share proud moments with my Facebook ‘friends’, but also want to respect their privacy. My kids are old enough to ask-and they almost always say no to sharing any info about them. Makes blogging interesting! I like how you use a pseudonym for your son. I guess finding a balance that works is the answer.
Hi Sarah, you’re very welcome. It’s an issue that many of us wrestle with constantly. How much information is too much?
Great approach Stephanie. When little E is older she can have a say in what’s OK to share. I think you’re right-everyone is different and the most important piece of this whole puzzle is to find a balance that works for you and your family.
I don’t really have any interest in the article.
Hi Kimber, I think that photo would be pretty embarrassing for most kids! Interesting that you asked your sons. I might have to ask mine. I’m interested to hear what they have to say.
I’m so sorry you were stalked. That must have been awful. It certainly gives perspective on internet and all privacy related issues. I also feel sorry for that little boy. Hopefully he won’t be harmed by the photo.
So true Mary. All the information that we continue to share could come back to bite at some point. I’ve become very careful about how I word posts. My husband is a great sounding board. He always asks me if I really want that info out there. Most times I end up going back and changing my wording to protect my family.
Great piece! I’ve stopped sharing so much about my kids now that the oldest is nearly 4, because I think, “Would he want this out there?” What IS on my blog about my boys, I’m OK with, because it’s cute kid stuff, not anything I think is very private. The private stuff on my blog is all about ME. 😉
Thanks for sharing this! I haven’t got kids (at least yet) but this is a constant issue with friends’ kids and babies.
The child privacy issue is an angle I hadn’t thought of. I have no problem with showing a breastfeeding mom on the cover of TIME, but the sexualization of that image was exploitive. Who breastfeeds standing up?
I’m careful about what I write about my children. I ask their permission before I mention them in a post. When my son graduated college, I wrote about boomerang kids. It was on my mind. It did not mention him (he did not move home after college). But he was offended that I would think that he and his friends would want to move home after living away for four years. If we raised our kids to be sensitive, caring people, we should consider them first.
This is an issue I struggle with a lot. I do post photos, although I have gone through a couple phases of taking all photos off my blog only to use them again later… My kids like having their pictures up now, but will they in 10 years? I have no idea.
Thanks Julia! I really like hearing about your kids and about you. I think it’s important for all of us bloggers to share so others can identify with us. The key is finding the right balance. Your kids are young so you really can’t ask them-the concept is probably too foreign. I like how you think about “would he want this out there”. Great way to evaluate something before you put it out there for all to see.
Hi Cat, It seems to be a constant issue for most of us. If you’re on Facebook or any other public forum it’s a real dilemma. If you do decide to have kids one day it will be interesting to see how it all plays out for you.
Hi Ronnie, I don’t think most of us were breastfeeding standing up? It doesn’t look very comfortable.
You raise an interesting point. Even if something feels completely benign to us as we are writing, it may in some way impact our children. It’s always good to check-in with them if there is any possibility that the story could embarrass or offend them. I think you are absolutely right-we need to consider our children first before the story.
Hi Brenna, I struggle with this too. I post photos very occasionally on Facebook because I want to share my children with my friends and family. But I worry as you do-will they be OK with these photos years down the road. I don’t really want to be the one responsible for any fallout.